Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Getting Through the Day

Depression is a funny thing.  It comes and goes, the ebb and flow is mercurial and senseless.

Today it was related to being busy, busy, busy and also a kitten and also a non-standard day.  But the odd thing was that I was surrounded by lovely people, one of my best friends stopped in to visit, and the kitten was rescued.  Still that feeling of darkness, hopelessness, wanting to cry and nap, lingers.

It's related to PPD/A - post-partum depression and anxiety.  I struggle after pregnancy for a long, long time.   But it will get better.  I know this.  So I just get through the day, one day at a time, one step at a time, one task at a time.

We have a bad, terrible, awful mama cat.  She was a stray dropped off on the side of the road as a kitten.  She has had several liters and many of the kittens don't make it.  Mama Gray Cat is a terrible mama.  She has hidden liters under tractor lawn mower decks.  Just sayin.

Two days ago she gave birth to three kittens.  She managed to hide one in a very bad place - under the garage attic floor.  No one knew where she had taken the kitten though there had been numerous sightings of her carrying the kitten into the building.  But we couldn't find it.  It wasn't making any sound.

Today the kitten started mewing.

We brought the bad mama cat into the building so she could get her kitten.  It seemed normal that she would want to retrieve it.

No interest.

She's such a bad mom.

I sawed through the floor.  Yes I did.  Got a jig saw and sawed the floor.  Then my awesome oldest son who is also amazing and cool, reached far into the insulation and bug filled under-the-floor-area and rescued the kitten.

This took an hour or so.  The kitten had been in there for two days.  She was active and loud...  and I was...am...still... SO STRESSED.

I blame some of the depression on Mama Gray Cat.  She is getting fixed,  No more of these kitten capers.  I don't have time for  this.

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Summer Sticker Strategy

Summer break was looking grim.  The kids were sick of school, melting down, arguing and complaining.  My biggest problem was the complaining.  I thought if I could just get that under control we could see brighter days.

So I hatched a plan.

Summer Sticker Chart!!!

Oh, yes.  It's been done before.  Many times.  We've tried a lot of variations on this theme.  Sticker charts are nothing new.  We've tried money clipped to chore cards, chore lists that have reward points written into them, sticker charts, etc.  

We've also tried nothing at all because we are Montessori parents (and school founders) and Montessori teaches parents that properly raised children don't need external rewards.  I've read the book, Punished By Rewards.  I know that stuff too.

But the simple fact is that my kids are motivated by rewards.  We all are.  And I don't think that makes us dysfunctional.  (More on that in another post).

So this is the plan for Summer Sticker 2.0:

Ingredients:  A piece of paper.  A marker.  Stickers.  Prizes.


The children get a sticker every time you ask them to do something and they don't complain.  (Complaining is verbal and non-verbal.  If they do the eye roll, no sticker.)  They don't get stickers for doing good deeds or picking you flowers.  They get grace for that.  

They get a sticker when they obey without complaining.  No matter what it is.  If you ask your daughter to get your purse and she says, "Yes mom," and brings it to you.  STICKER.  If she practices piano without complaining.  STICKER.


When they earn 30 stickers, they can choose a small prize.

Inexpensive treats: Candy, fake dog poop, tickets to see a local baseball team, pop-its, tattoos, chalk, Big League Chew

Or they can continue earning stickers and get a bigger prize when they reach 80 stickers.  Everything is from 5 Below or the Dollar Store.
Slightly more expensive treats: t-shirts, books, scented markers, bigger bags of candy


When stickers are used to buy a prize, I draw a line through them.  Stickers may not be reused or combined with another child.  

We also have bonus prizes.  When a child reaches 150 and 300 TOTAL stickers (used or unused).  He can choose a bonus prize.  Right now we only have one bonus prize for reaching 150.
Oh the hours spent drooling over this prize.  Even I want this one.


If they reach 300 they can choose a gift card for Sweet Frog (their favorite place in the world) or a giant jar of Jelly Bellies.  


Prizes are refreshed from time to time.  New ones are added in.  Old ones may be eaten or used by mom or dad. 

The reason this is working is two fold.  
1. It's very simple.  It doesn't require I have cash.  It doesn't even require me to put the stickers on.  My kids do it.  And they keep each other honest.  
2. The prizes are purchased a head of time and put on display.  It's like the Chuck E Cheese prize counter.  They can pour over the prizes any time they want.  They plan what they're going for, make contingency plans if their prize gets snapped up by someone else, check to see if anything new has been added or taken away.

The prizes are a tangible goal for them.  They KNOW I won't have to run to the bank, make change, find a time to go to the store.  When they reach 30/80/150/300, they know something will be there in the prize vault waiting for them.

We've been doing this for two weeks and I have found this system to be the most fun, the easiest to follow through with, and the most motivating.  

We plan for this to be a temporary system, just for the summer.  It's meant to encourage good habits not a life-long dependency on prizes.  So far, so good.