A year and a half after giving birth to twins, I finally feel nearly normal again. It took a fair amount of liquor after the kids went to bed, but I think I'm back in the saddle again.
Recently I've been thinking about vocations - what God is calling me to do with my life. I always wanted to have a big family and a country farm. 10 acres, one for each kid. Now God might have that planned for us, but I'm getting old and I just don't think we're going to be able to add 6 more kids to the mix. And I haven't been OK with that. I've been quite annoyed actually. How can God cultivate a culture of life if he makes those who are willing to give life - lots of life - bum ovaries?
God calls us to be a light on a hill for all to see and commands us not to put our light under a bushel basket. It didn't make sense that God would put my light under a bushel basket of His own making. It never even occurred to me that God's stock is in light and not in basket making and why I even considered that He'd do such a think is beyond my comprehension now.
Thankfully, at a tea last weekend, I realized that maybe I'm not called to be a beacon of fertility. (I know, you'd think that this would have taken less than 10 years to sink in). Presuming that fertility is a gift that God gives to everyone who wants that gift pretty much negates the whole gifty part of the gift. Maybe my light is simply obedience.
Of course we're all called to obedience just like we're all called to be open to life. But just because I'm open to life doesn't mean I'm going to be a beacon of fertility. And just because others are called to obedience doesn't mean everyone is going to be a beacon of obedience.
I'll never be sure of any of this until I meet my Maker but it is comforting to consider that in the midst of all the tears and the set backs is a never before noticed purpose. I like that.
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