Getting Through the Day

Depression is a funny thing.  It comes and goes, the ebb and flow is mercurial and senseless.

Today it was related to being busy, busy, busy and also a kitten and also a non-standard day.  But the odd thing was that I was surrounded by lovely people, one of my best friends stopped in to visit, and the kitten was rescued.  Still that feeling of darkness, hopelessness, wanting to cry and nap, lingers.

It's related to PPD/A - post-partum depression and anxiety.  I struggle after pregnancy for a long, long time.   But it will get better.  I know this.  So I just get through the day, one day at a time, one step at a time, one task at a time.

We have a bad, terrible, awful mama cat.  She was a stray dropped off on the side of the road as a kitten.  She has had several liters and many of the kittens don't make it.  Mama Gray Cat is a terrible mama.  She has hidden liters under tractor lawn mower decks.  Just sayin.

Two days ago she gave birth to three kittens.  She managed to hide one in a very bad place - under the garage attic floor.  No one knew where she had taken the kitten though there had been numerous sightings of her carrying the kitten into the building.  But we couldn't find it.  It wasn't making any sound.

Today the kitten started mewing.

We brought the bad mama cat into the building so she could get her kitten.  It seemed normal that she would want to retrieve it.

No interest.

She's such a bad mom.

I sawed through the floor.  Yes I did.  Got a jig saw and sawed the floor.  Then my awesome oldest son who is also amazing and cool, reached far into the insulation and bug filled under-the-floor-area and rescued the kitten.

This took an hour or so.  The kitten had been in there for two days.  She was active and loud...  and I was...am...still... SO STRESSED.

I blame some of the depression on Mama Gray Cat.  She is getting fixed,  No more of these kitten capers.  I don't have time for  this.