Apparently it's all in my head

I had a tough day yesterday. I've had a hard day for the last two weeks now that I think about it. The Estrace (as of day 9 of this cycle I'm taking it 3 times a day) magnifies my every anxiety, problem, concern.

So the problem this time is two fold. First, I got a call from the amazing thyroid spit test and was told that ..... I'm normal. Now for most people, this would be great news. I, on the other hand, cried. Part of that was the Estrace. Part of it was that the doctor PROMISED me that I had thyroid issues and I was really hoping that I had finally found a simple answer to the crummy way I feel.

So my levels are normal but, here is the part that makes me search the Internet like crazy, I have thyroid antibodies. Now I hear that and I think, that can't be good. Of course, online there are pages and pages devoted to tales of thyroid antibodies being responsible for miscarriages, infertility, exhaustion, armed robbery and, of course, nuclear war. Apparently it's not enough to worry the medical profession. So now I'm worried that the embryo transfer might fail because I have thyroid antibodies.

I have two friends with real thyroid issues and I feel like a complete stooge because all along I thought it was only a matter of time before I got to join their ranks, get on some good medication, and start to feel better. Deja vu because I also remember feeling this exact same way after most of my other doctor visits, especially the ones where the reproductive endocrinologist reassured me that I probably had endomitriosis.

The second sad thing is that we're changing insurance companies as John changes jobs and our new one ... bites. Well, at least it does compared to our old one. The worst part is that I don't think my midwives are covered.

So to sum up. I'm 11 days into my second cycle. I'm done with the birth control and now into the Estrace part. The Estrace makes me crazy. My crazy makes me sad that my thyroid works. My thyroid meds, which I apparently don't need, would be covered by the new insurance but the Estrace and my midwives will not.

Also of note, for the past two weeks I've been spotting on and off. I seem to remember this happening last time. Mentioned it when I called the nurse and she seemed a little concerned so they'll check things out when I go in.

So tired. I get so wiped out. It's only midnight for crying out loud. I should be good for another two hours.