Last night I cried when I was praying. I thought of the baby who didn't make it, the one who until now was referred to as "Mr. Cubby's genetic sibling" because it seemed premature to name him before we found out the fate of his other three thaw buddies. I asked God to please hold my baby until I got there to take over. I didn't get a chance to hold him; not even in my womb. I wonder if he would have had Mr. Cubby's chocolate brown eyes or his chunka munka thighs.
John was incredibly supportive. He comforted me. He understands. It is his loss too. We agreed to name him last night and knew almost immediately what his name should be - Athanasius. He is named for a great defender of the faith who was a contemporary if not a friend to St. Nicholas. They both attended the Council of Nicea together. Though it was reported that St. Nicholas punched the heratic Arius, I'm sure Athanasius was tempted. Incidentally, while it is St. Nicholas who is a patron of our home, a patron of Mr. Cubby and a saint who has guided our efforts to have children, we credit St. Athanasius with arranging the first meeting between me and John.
Athanasius has two other genetic siblings, Benedict and Scholastica. John assures me that they are very happy in heaven and very thankful not to be frozen any longer. I know he is right.
After mass on Sunday I spoke with a priest. The 2ww is very hard at times and seems to get worse when I'm in the presence of God. Sunday I felt far from God, or rather, as if God was far from me. The priest was very kind, especially since I had few coherent thoughts for the first few minutes. But then, once he pieced things together he said to me, "Those children you adopted, you gave them a great gift. They are saints in heaven now. And you can meet them one day if you stay close to God, in a state of grace."
I liked how he didn't canonize me on the spot but urged me to stay on the path to holiness. :) And it's comforting to think that I will see them again. But I can't help but wish that I could see them now.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Monday, September 24, 2007
EA part 2
After the alcohol wash, the only uncomfortable part of the procedure remaining was the pressing of the full bladder with the ultrasound device. Thankfully it didn't last for long.
In our previous three embryo adoption transfers it took an excruciating amount of time for the doctor to thread the catheter and for them to find the catheter on the ultrasound.
This time it took five minutes for the whole thing. Catheter went in. Ultrasound found it right away. Dr said, "Get the solution ready" or something like that. I was watching my uterus on TV so I was distracted. Nurse tells me I have a beautiful uterus (true). I say, "Yes, I get that a lot."
There is some movement at the embryo adoption window. Doctor announces, "They're in." Gives catheter back to embryologist. Embryologist checks catheter for stragglers and then announces, "Clear."
Hooray. I'm pregnant with triplets.
The embryo adoption window is pretty cool. I don't usually get a good view because the blinds are nearly always drawn when I get there. The embryologist, one of the smartest in the world, Carol, sits in there with scrubs and a surgical mask. Really, it's like a baby drive thru. They walk me in. Dr. says, "3 cute babies please." Carol slides open the little window of her climate controlled baby defrosting room and gives them to the Dr.
After the transfer, I'm wheeled out and made to wait the longest hour of my life before they let me use the restroom. The staff brought me a Coke, which I gave to John - because hello not only was I in no position to drink any liquid, Coke is a diuretic. But they also gave me cheesy Ritz bits. LOVE THEM. And I managed to eat most of them in spite of the bladder issue. I can always make room for Ritz bits.
So I'm in the dreadful 2week wait (aka 2ww). I think the earliest I could have a positive HPT is on Sept. 26 but I'm not sure if I'll test that day or wait until the feast of the Archangels. Rrrriiiiiiiight. Who am I kidding. I started testing yesterday. Don't tell John. BFN (of course)
Mr. Cubby is awake from his nap 1 hour early. We are going to have a grumpy afternoon.
In our previous three embryo adoption transfers it took an excruciating amount of time for the doctor to thread the catheter and for them to find the catheter on the ultrasound.
This time it took five minutes for the whole thing. Catheter went in. Ultrasound found it right away. Dr said, "Get the solution ready" or something like that. I was watching my uterus on TV so I was distracted. Nurse tells me I have a beautiful uterus (true). I say, "Yes, I get that a lot."
There is some movement at the embryo adoption window. Doctor announces, "They're in." Gives catheter back to embryologist. Embryologist checks catheter for stragglers and then announces, "Clear."
Hooray. I'm pregnant with triplets.
The embryo adoption window is pretty cool. I don't usually get a good view because the blinds are nearly always drawn when I get there. The embryologist, one of the smartest in the world, Carol, sits in there with scrubs and a surgical mask. Really, it's like a baby drive thru. They walk me in. Dr. says, "3 cute babies please." Carol slides open the little window of her climate controlled baby defrosting room and gives them to the Dr.
After the transfer, I'm wheeled out and made to wait the longest hour of my life before they let me use the restroom. The staff brought me a Coke, which I gave to John - because hello not only was I in no position to drink any liquid, Coke is a diuretic. But they also gave me cheesy Ritz bits. LOVE THEM. And I managed to eat most of them in spite of the bladder issue. I can always make room for Ritz bits.
So I'm in the dreadful 2week wait (aka 2ww). I think the earliest I could have a positive HPT is on Sept. 26 but I'm not sure if I'll test that day or wait until the feast of the Archangels. Rrrriiiiiiiight. Who am I kidding. I started testing yesterday. Don't tell John. BFN (of course)
Mr. Cubby is awake from his nap 1 hour early. We are going to have a grumpy afternoon.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
The Difference Prayer and Childbirth Make
I can't emphasize enough the importance and the power of prayer in our embryo adoption this time. There were so many things guided by the hand of God. He put powerful prayer warriors in our path just days before the transfer was to take place. People we hadn't seen or talked to in a year or longer. People who have a direct line, unlike me who has to go through the automated answering system before getting a live operator who will then sometimes transfer me to the Big Guy.
A priest friend offered mass for us yesterday. A dear friend who is becoming a consecrated early next year prayed for us. My very holy godparents offered up mass and a super holy family of ten... no, eleven offered their family rosary. Not to mention all of my friends, family and of course mom, dad, mother-in-law and father-in-law and me'n John. The prayer accomplished amazing things through out our entire trip.
I also have to give a shout out to natural childbirth as a good prep for anything painful that might happen in lower girly parts.
As I mentioned in a past entry about the trial transfer, the "this might hurt a bit" part which usually made me hyperventilate and grab my arms so hard they bruised was uncomfortable but manageable.
The official transfer has a "you might feel a burning sensation" part. It wasn't the good type of muscle burn that makes you want to kill your spinning instructor. It was relentless and lasted about three million years.
They say, "Is everything OK? Are you comfortable?" I say, "Pretty good but warn me before you start that burning thing."
Doctor says, "OK then, we're ready to start the burning." (Really that's what he said. He's cool that way).
I grit my teeth and grab John's hand. Strangely, while it burns, it's not as awful as it was before. I found that I wasn't hyperventilating.
Nurse sees look of calm on my face and says, "Is it bad?" And I say, "Can't they use something else, like Neosporin?" And then I add, "It's not something I want to do everyday but it's not bad."
Alcohol torture lasts for a few minutes. Then it's over.
The best part is yet to come but Mr. Cubby just woke up and this is my first time seeing him in two days so I'm going to end here for now.
A priest friend offered mass for us yesterday. A dear friend who is becoming a consecrated early next year prayed for us. My very holy godparents offered up mass and a super holy family of ten... no, eleven offered their family rosary. Not to mention all of my friends, family and of course mom, dad, mother-in-law and father-in-law and me'n John. The prayer accomplished amazing things through out our entire trip.
I also have to give a shout out to natural childbirth as a good prep for anything painful that might happen in lower girly parts.
As I mentioned in a past entry about the trial transfer, the "this might hurt a bit" part which usually made me hyperventilate and grab my arms so hard they bruised was uncomfortable but manageable.
The official transfer has a "you might feel a burning sensation" part. It wasn't the good type of muscle burn that makes you want to kill your spinning instructor. It was relentless and lasted about three million years.
They say, "Is everything OK? Are you comfortable?" I say, "Pretty good but warn me before you start that burning thing."
Doctor says, "OK then, we're ready to start the burning." (Really that's what he said. He's cool that way).
I grit my teeth and grab John's hand. Strangely, while it burns, it's not as awful as it was before. I found that I wasn't hyperventilating.
Nurse sees look of calm on my face and says, "Is it bad?" And I say, "Can't they use something else, like Neosporin?" And then I add, "It's not something I want to do everyday but it's not bad."
Alcohol torture lasts for a few minutes. Then it's over.
The best part is yet to come but Mr. Cubby just woke up and this is my first time seeing him in two days so I'm going to end here for now.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Embryo Adoption and Transfer
I don't have a fancy title for today. I'm still feeling a little groggy from the Valium and my long afternoon nap.
The first thing I want to do is honor the memory of Mr. Cubby's genetic sibling. Yesterday the little guy survived the thaw but he faltered this morning and wasn't able to make it to the transfer. We miss him very much and are very sad that we will not meet him nine months from now. But we commend his soul to God's mercy and hope to meet him in heaven.
The good news is that we did have embryos transferred to us this morning at 10:50 am. Three of them. The doctor gave us the same "warning" about this transfer as he did Mr. Cubby's transfer. Triplets might be a possibility. Of course we would be thrilled with that outcome. Overwhelmed but thrilled. :) But we also don't think that it's highly likely - though with God all things are possible.
A little about our new babies. Two of them look very healthy and happy. We got pictures of them and you can see the smiles. They're so happy not to be frozen anymore.... because who really wants to be frozen. The third is struggling a bit but we are hoping and praying for him. (I'm using the masculine pronoun in the generic sense. We won't know their gender until our 20 week ultrasound). All of the embryos are at the morula stage, which means their cells are compacting to the point where they can no longer be counted. They're about a day/ day and a half out from becoming blasocysts. At that point they will implant, God willing.
We have a pregnancy test scheduled for Oct. 2 - Feast of the Guardian Angels. Go guardian angels. But we'll definitely won't wait to take a pregnancy test. Will probably start testing with HPTs in about a week. Doctors don't like you to do that but come on.
I'll post all the gory details about the actual transfer later. For now know that all is well and we are pregnant with three babies.
The first thing I want to do is honor the memory of Mr. Cubby's genetic sibling. Yesterday the little guy survived the thaw but he faltered this morning and wasn't able to make it to the transfer. We miss him very much and are very sad that we will not meet him nine months from now. But we commend his soul to God's mercy and hope to meet him in heaven.
The good news is that we did have embryos transferred to us this morning at 10:50 am. Three of them. The doctor gave us the same "warning" about this transfer as he did Mr. Cubby's transfer. Triplets might be a possibility. Of course we would be thrilled with that outcome. Overwhelmed but thrilled. :) But we also don't think that it's highly likely - though with God all things are possible.
A little about our new babies. Two of them look very healthy and happy. We got pictures of them and you can see the smiles. They're so happy not to be frozen anymore.... because who really wants to be frozen. The third is struggling a bit but we are hoping and praying for him. (I'm using the masculine pronoun in the generic sense. We won't know their gender until our 20 week ultrasound). All of the embryos are at the morula stage, which means their cells are compacting to the point where they can no longer be counted. They're about a day/ day and a half out from becoming blasocysts. At that point they will implant, God willing.
We have a pregnancy test scheduled for Oct. 2 - Feast of the Guardian Angels. Go guardian angels. But we'll definitely won't wait to take a pregnancy test. Will probably start testing with HPTs in about a week. Doctors don't like you to do that but come on.
I'll post all the gory details about the actual transfer later. For now know that all is well and we are pregnant with three babies.
Friday, September 14, 2007
Ready and Researching
Medical notes. I got the all clear today. My lining was 13 or 13.5 (again, not sure if that's inches or feet) and my estrogen levels were high enough that I can decrease dosage to 2/ day tomorrow. Such a relief. Start progesterone shots tomorrow. One the first AM and two (one in AM and PM) everyday thereafter for the first 2 months of pregnancy or until a negative pregnancy test.
Commercial: Incidentally, I went to Shady Grove Fertility Clinic in Leesburg for my ultrasound and blood work both times. They were so nice. Much nicer than my other RE in the area who wouldn't make room in his busy schedule for me.
Thoughts: It's hard not to get neurotic over our embryo adoption. We're just days out from our fourth one (our 11th+ kid) and I'm looking obsessively for "more information" online. My main area of interest is with regard to multicell FET. Our other EA's were all at the 2pn stage (an earlier embryonic stage - pn stands for pro-nuclear but not the radioactive kind of nuclear) and only one of our embryos died during the thaw. I think the odds are not so good for multicell thaw and transfer but I can't find a lot to back up my suspicion. Granted, I'm not a doctor; I'm a neurotic mother so none of this suspicion is based in science or fact. I can tell you for a fact that blastocysts (embryos that are a day or two older than most multicells) survive transfers very well. However, they don't thaw well. I imagine that the older the embryos get and the more complex they become the more complicated it is to freeze and thaw them.
Now I feel guilty for thinking about this in such clinical terms.
What I really want is a way to see the future and to know what's going to happen with my new babies. I read statistics to help me feel better. What I'd really like to read is a study titled, "Scientists Definitively Prove That All of YOUR Embryos Will Be Born."
The FET is something that is so obviously not in my control. It's hard to trust God on this. It seems ridiculous. I have everything I've ever wanted but I have a hard time trusting God. Crazy girl! It's just hard to trust. I've always, always, always been scared of being hurt, especially by God and stinging bugs. I really hate stinging bugs but I don't blame them for being scary. They can't help it. God is much scarier than stinging bugs because He's got all the power. He decides everything. EVERYTHING. God could let the embryos live or let them die. He could make them all healthy or He could make them sick. He could make them amazingly smart or He could give them a limited intellect. He could give them super adorable Mr. Cubby type personalities or He could make them into little tax-loving Democrats. He could give us nothing or He could multiply the heck out of one or more embryos. Who knows what could happen.
So I worry.
I wish I was one of those people who can honestly say, "I'm not worried. I gave all my worries up to God." I do believe there are people who can do that. I don't happen to be one of them. This is what I do. I say, "God, I give you all my anxieties." Then He comes over and takes hold of them but I hang on with all my might, white knuckles, teeth grinding. Tug of war with God is easy; He always lets me win.
Mr. Cubby does this with me sometimes. He gets frustrated with his shape sorter so he fusses and holds it out to me for help. I come over and take hold of it. He gets even more frustrated and pulls it back from me. I could overpower him, take the shape sorter and fix it, but it seems better to let him have it back until he's really ready to let it go. It would be nice if letting go metaphorically was as easy as letting go literally - but I guess it's all a matter of perspective.
Anyway, we're still keeping our prayers focused on the miracle of the multiplication of the loaves (the proverbial bun in the oven). We'll see what happens.
Commercial: Incidentally, I went to Shady Grove Fertility Clinic in Leesburg for my ultrasound and blood work both times. They were so nice. Much nicer than my other RE in the area who wouldn't make room in his busy schedule for me.
Thoughts: It's hard not to get neurotic over our embryo adoption. We're just days out from our fourth one (our 11th+ kid) and I'm looking obsessively for "more information" online. My main area of interest is with regard to multicell FET. Our other EA's were all at the 2pn stage (an earlier embryonic stage - pn stands for pro-nuclear but not the radioactive kind of nuclear) and only one of our embryos died during the thaw. I think the odds are not so good for multicell thaw and transfer but I can't find a lot to back up my suspicion. Granted, I'm not a doctor; I'm a neurotic mother so none of this suspicion is based in science or fact. I can tell you for a fact that blastocysts (embryos that are a day or two older than most multicells) survive transfers very well. However, they don't thaw well. I imagine that the older the embryos get and the more complex they become the more complicated it is to freeze and thaw them.
Now I feel guilty for thinking about this in such clinical terms.
What I really want is a way to see the future and to know what's going to happen with my new babies. I read statistics to help me feel better. What I'd really like to read is a study titled, "Scientists Definitively Prove That All of YOUR Embryos Will Be Born."
The FET is something that is so obviously not in my control. It's hard to trust God on this. It seems ridiculous. I have everything I've ever wanted but I have a hard time trusting God. Crazy girl! It's just hard to trust. I've always, always, always been scared of being hurt, especially by God and stinging bugs. I really hate stinging bugs but I don't blame them for being scary. They can't help it. God is much scarier than stinging bugs because He's got all the power. He decides everything. EVERYTHING. God could let the embryos live or let them die. He could make them all healthy or He could make them sick. He could make them amazingly smart or He could give them a limited intellect. He could give them super adorable Mr. Cubby type personalities or He could make them into little tax-loving Democrats. He could give us nothing or He could multiply the heck out of one or more embryos. Who knows what could happen.
So I worry.
I wish I was one of those people who can honestly say, "I'm not worried. I gave all my worries up to God." I do believe there are people who can do that. I don't happen to be one of them. This is what I do. I say, "God, I give you all my anxieties." Then He comes over and takes hold of them but I hang on with all my might, white knuckles, teeth grinding. Tug of war with God is easy; He always lets me win.
Mr. Cubby does this with me sometimes. He gets frustrated with his shape sorter so he fusses and holds it out to me for help. I come over and take hold of it. He gets even more frustrated and pulls it back from me. I could overpower him, take the shape sorter and fix it, but it seems better to let him have it back until he's really ready to let it go. It would be nice if letting go metaphorically was as easy as letting go literally - but I guess it's all a matter of perspective.
Anyway, we're still keeping our prayers focused on the miracle of the multiplication of the loaves (the proverbial bun in the oven). We'll see what happens.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
3X a day
It was a great run. I think I had nearly a full week, maybe two, of productivity. I wasn't tired. I wasn't depressed. It wasn't hard for me to socialize with people. I felt human. The kicker is that I was on Lupron... and even low doses of Estrace for a while. Wow. But not so much anymore. I started swinging back toward exhaustion yesterday. Last night I sat on the couch for several hours unable to motivate myself to do anything more than eat cookies (I baked them two days ago during my productive phase) and watch Ghost Hunter reruns... that weren't that great the first time around.
*sigh*
Tomorrow I have my second ultrasound. Checking the lining and estrodiol levels. Hope all is OK. I've been forgetting whether or not I've been taking my Estrace lately. When in doubt I take one, better to have too much uterine lining I figure.
Only a few more days until the transfer. I start the huge shots on Saturday if the ultrasound goes well. Then the hardest part - the 2 week wait.
*sigh*
Tomorrow I have my second ultrasound. Checking the lining and estrodiol levels. Hope all is OK. I've been forgetting whether or not I've been taking my Estrace lately. When in doubt I take one, better to have too much uterine lining I figure.
Only a few more days until the transfer. I start the huge shots on Saturday if the ultrasound goes well. Then the hardest part - the 2 week wait.
Friday, September 7, 2007
Wonderful Warm Fuzzy
I only have time for a short post. Things are still progressing well with the EA. Our homestudy was accepted so now all we have to do it wait for the big day and keep up with my shots.
Mr. Cubby is walking now. He still cruises and crawls the majority of the time but he trusts himself to let go and wander into the middle of the room. It's the cutest thing ever.
Speaking of the cutest thing ever, last night I checked in on Will before going to bed. He kicked all his covers off and was stirring. I tucked him in. He opened his mouth and I knew before he spoke that he was going to ask for a drink of water. Poor kid. I could hear the dryness in his mouth. So I grabbed the water I had brought up for myself (I always keep a cup of water by my bed at night).
Now Will has a thing lately about how the water has to be from the fridge and not the tap. It's colder that way. When I gave him the water he looked from me to the water and back and croaked, "Is it from the fridge." The kid is dying of dehydration but he still wants to know. "Yes," I told him. "It's from the fridge and it has ice."
The smile that broke across his face was huge and so very tired. He drank loudly for a moment and then paused. Looking at me, with that same smile he said, "I'm glad I have a mom."
Mr. Cubby is walking now. He still cruises and crawls the majority of the time but he trusts himself to let go and wander into the middle of the room. It's the cutest thing ever.
Speaking of the cutest thing ever, last night I checked in on Will before going to bed. He kicked all his covers off and was stirring. I tucked him in. He opened his mouth and I knew before he spoke that he was going to ask for a drink of water. Poor kid. I could hear the dryness in his mouth. So I grabbed the water I had brought up for myself (I always keep a cup of water by my bed at night).
Now Will has a thing lately about how the water has to be from the fridge and not the tap. It's colder that way. When I gave him the water he looked from me to the water and back and croaked, "Is it from the fridge." The kid is dying of dehydration but he still wants to know. "Yes," I told him. "It's from the fridge and it has ice."
The smile that broke across his face was huge and so very tired. He drank loudly for a moment and then paused. Looking at me, with that same smile he said, "I'm glad I have a mom."
Monday, September 3, 2007
Novena to OLOF
One order of business to take care of before I start the blog. My medical and mood progress report is as follows. Transvaginal ultrasound (which I did not need a full bladder for) and estrogen levels are excellent. I got a green light to proceed with my Estrace. We're in the home stretch. Only 15 more days until the adoption and FET. I can't believe it.
Mood is much better. I'm not sure why. There have been a lot of changes. 1. Anorexic beach week is over. No need to stress about a week with the in-laws in a big house. 2. Bleeding has stopped. Maybe the extreme irritability and depression were caused by severe PMS. 3. I'm off the birth control pill for good (until next EA). I'm telling you it makes me crazy. 4. I started taking Estrace two days ago in conjunction with the Lupron and my 3-day headache finally went away.
I'm still having a lot of trouble sleeping. I have a hard time falling asleep, even though I'm exhausted and then I wake up several times a night convinced Mr. Cubby is in bed with us and in some kind of danger (image of Trainspotting baby happens a lot at night). I usually claw at or punch John, often in places that wake him instantly and he calms me down.
So that's my update on how the meds are doing for me.
I'm finally seeing a light at the end of the drug tunnel. My mood is definitely better. I'm slightly more manic. I'm planning to rip apart our master bedroom closet (don't tell John) and repaint a bathroom and reconfigure the laundry room, write an awesome novel that has a role that every leading man in Hollywood is going to fight for, annnd give birth to full term triplets. There are some other plans to that I don't remember off hand.
Our Lady of Fatima, Pilgrim statue version, visited our parish this week. I ended up enrolled in the Brown Scapular Club (BSC). Very exclusive and itchy club (itchy due to wool in scapular). Will and John were also enrolled. That's got to be good for our upcoming adoption. Then we also started a novena to Our Lady of Fatima. We're praying for all of our adopted embryos to survive the transfer. Triplets. I know. It's crazy. But can do it... we want to do it. We prayed for triplets last time too and got Mr. Cubby, who is as big as three babies.
I also check dates for due date and transfer date to see which saints will be in our corner that day. So we're having the transfer done on Sept. 18, Feast of St. Joesph Cupertino - the flying saint. He's very cool. We like him. And a priest we know with a devotion to St. JC is saying a mass for us that day. Go team. Then, and this is my favorite part, we're going to be due at the beginning of June HOWEVER if I go 2 wks early like I did w/ Mr. Cubby the delivery date could fall on the Feast of St. Philip Neri, only the funniest saint to ever live. Aaaaaand even cooler is that May 2 is the Feast of St. Anthanasius - the saint that brought me and DH together. So if we do indeed have triplets and they are indeed born early, as triplets often are, perhaps we can hit May 2. I know this probably sounds stupid to most people who aren't me and John but I'm just so psyched.
A long time ago, before we had kids, when I was just aching for a baby to hold I said a prayer to St. Athanasius on his feast day and I asked him for help. He instantly calmed my anxiety and I knew that things would be OK. I knew that somewhere in the world there was a baby waiting for us. It turned out to be Will... and then Mr. Cubby. I really think that St. A will be praying extra hard for us this time.
No matter what happens, we know the saints are in our corner. And I don't have ESP and prayers and good feelings don't make me psychic. But I think that if a Wiccan can win the lottery, certainly God could give us triplets.
Oh and one last thing. We don't think Will has an attachment disorder anymore. It's more likely that it's sensory integration dysfunction. Will post more on that when and if we ever get confirmation.
Mood is much better. I'm not sure why. There have been a lot of changes. 1. Anorexic beach week is over. No need to stress about a week with the in-laws in a big house. 2. Bleeding has stopped. Maybe the extreme irritability and depression were caused by severe PMS. 3. I'm off the birth control pill for good (until next EA). I'm telling you it makes me crazy. 4. I started taking Estrace two days ago in conjunction with the Lupron and my 3-day headache finally went away.
I'm still having a lot of trouble sleeping. I have a hard time falling asleep, even though I'm exhausted and then I wake up several times a night convinced Mr. Cubby is in bed with us and in some kind of danger (image of Trainspotting baby happens a lot at night). I usually claw at or punch John, often in places that wake him instantly and he calms me down.
So that's my update on how the meds are doing for me.
I'm finally seeing a light at the end of the drug tunnel. My mood is definitely better. I'm slightly more manic. I'm planning to rip apart our master bedroom closet (don't tell John) and repaint a bathroom and reconfigure the laundry room, write an awesome novel that has a role that every leading man in Hollywood is going to fight for, annnd give birth to full term triplets. There are some other plans to that I don't remember off hand.
Our Lady of Fatima, Pilgrim statue version, visited our parish this week. I ended up enrolled in the Brown Scapular Club (BSC). Very exclusive and itchy club (itchy due to wool in scapular). Will and John were also enrolled. That's got to be good for our upcoming adoption. Then we also started a novena to Our Lady of Fatima. We're praying for all of our adopted embryos to survive the transfer. Triplets. I know. It's crazy. But can do it... we want to do it. We prayed for triplets last time too and got Mr. Cubby, who is as big as three babies.
I also check dates for due date and transfer date to see which saints will be in our corner that day. So we're having the transfer done on Sept. 18, Feast of St. Joesph Cupertino - the flying saint. He's very cool. We like him. And a priest we know with a devotion to St. JC is saying a mass for us that day. Go team. Then, and this is my favorite part, we're going to be due at the beginning of June HOWEVER if I go 2 wks early like I did w/ Mr. Cubby the delivery date could fall on the Feast of St. Philip Neri, only the funniest saint to ever live. Aaaaaand even cooler is that May 2 is the Feast of St. Anthanasius - the saint that brought me and DH together. So if we do indeed have triplets and they are indeed born early, as triplets often are, perhaps we can hit May 2. I know this probably sounds stupid to most people who aren't me and John but I'm just so psyched.
A long time ago, before we had kids, when I was just aching for a baby to hold I said a prayer to St. Athanasius on his feast day and I asked him for help. He instantly calmed my anxiety and I knew that things would be OK. I knew that somewhere in the world there was a baby waiting for us. It turned out to be Will... and then Mr. Cubby. I really think that St. A will be praying extra hard for us this time.
No matter what happens, we know the saints are in our corner. And I don't have ESP and prayers and good feelings don't make me psychic. But I think that if a Wiccan can win the lottery, certainly God could give us triplets.
Oh and one last thing. We don't think Will has an attachment disorder anymore. It's more likely that it's sensory integration dysfunction. Will post more on that when and if we ever get confirmation.
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